Cringe Worthy Facebookers

After so many years of facebooking, I think I've become familiar enough with the unwritten etiquette associated with the site and thought I'd share my thoughts on bad FB moves...


1) Profile pictures:
a) The "I can see you holding the camera, you douche" syndrome. I'm not saying it makes them a bad person as everyone has taken a picture of his/herself in the mirror at least once. It's only when someone has clearly hit their head against the vanity wall so many times s/he neglects to work the camera out of the shot. Then s/he just might be a total douche.

b) Chronic profile picture changers. You know who you are.

2) Basic and personal information:
a) "Looking for: dating, a relationship, whatever I can get." People who fill out their personal information like they're applying for a dating service have got to be kidding themselves. It's more terrifying than anything.
a.i.) In case anyone was still wondering, "single" makes you seem desperate.

b) Angst-y or existential anything. (Maybe this makes me a slight hypocrite... only slight.)

c) Song lyrics. Sometimes you wonder how it occurred to an individual that only Miley Cyrus could eloquently express their ego.

3) Status updates:
a) The "..." or "is."

b) Inappropriate information. Sometimes it's just TMI, TMI my friend.

c) To the second updates. iPhones are great, use them responsibly by not letting us know your "sleepy" "can't be bothered to pay attention in class anymore" "wants to marry coffee" " regretted drinking coffee"

d) Song lyrics. Yes, they seem to be everywhere.

5) Wall posts
a) Spam, obviously.

b) Including your name at the end like it's an email. I knoooow who it's from it says right there! (there are some exceptions to this)

c) More than 4 consecutive posts from the same person. You're making me look like a loser. Go away for a bit!

d)Wall posts so long they should have been messages.


6) Friends:
a) 500+ friends means the person has either got nasty OCD or an explosive STD.

7) Photos:
a) Tagging limbs. I'm glad this trend has tapered off but it's still very much alive. It used to be a bit funny back in '07, but since then we've all been accumulating photos and cannot be bothered to have more than 10 arm or leg pics.

b) 500+ pictures. Sometimes, other peoples' photo collections can be a great procrastination tool but if there are more than 500 you know they're just going to be a lot of stupid junk... like 30 photos of a new haircut.

8)Applications:
a) I will make a zombie out of the next person to send me a zombie invite.

b) People who beat my tetris score.

9)Events:
a) Getting messages from events is NOT cool. It would be but event coordinators have taken to sending messages that let us know the event will still be happening... which was sort of assumed in the first place. Plus, getting a facebook message from anyone other than a best friend or someone you intend to bone is totally lame.

b) Invites that are more than 3 weeks in advance. I'm not saying I'm cool... but I'll have to put you down for a "maybe."

10) Notes:
a) Ones that bitch about stuff, I guess. They're not always fun to read and can reek of self-destructive predisposition. In my defense, this one was maybe a little fun to read and I promise all of you I'll start studying at 10am.